@charliedelta7: I like taking my cats out for a drive to show them roadkill so they know what will happen if they ever leave me.
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@Geanina_26K: I'm going to nap so hard today, my pillow Is going to need a cigarette when I'm done with it
@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit
@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?" Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."
@GrantTanaka: *leads wife into bedroom where rose petals on comforter spell out “NO, YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE”