@cloudypianos: I like talking to bartenders because they can't go anywhere.
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@rickkondell: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher.
@Playing_Dad: [At crime scene] Detective: You need to take this seriously Me: I am *picks up leg bone* Me: I found this humerus. Lol. D: You're fired.
@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.