@cloudypianos: I like talking to bartenders because they can't go anywhere.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
@drewjanda: Inventor of raisins: "What do you like about grapes" me: the juice part, the freshness Inventor: right but what if they had neither
@turboescortdude: Hey babies, I can do 12 push-ups. Impressed? Doap. Typo, meant babes. Impressed? No? Oh. Well then. Impressed babies?
@ourvoyagemusic: I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says "May contain almonds." What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?