@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do
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@markleggett: The worst part of being an astronaut would be eventually having to come back to Earth and deal with other people.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat Businessmen] "Geez, Phil, you look exhausted. Being a new father is tough, huh." *sighs* I only got 16 hours of sleep last night.
@XplodingUnicorn: Tonight's parenting lesson: If a 2-year-old says, "I'm going to puke," FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF. I need a shower.
@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.