@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do
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@Poutymcgee: The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm "no longer allowed in the library".
@primawesome: Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans.