@imlaurenmcguire: I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend.
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@M_Hedberg: People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool.
@BlindChow: (1:35pm) God: Yo Abraham (1:37pm) Abe: sup (1:38pm) God: Need u to kill ur son (1:42pm) Abe: k (4:02pm) God: jk lol (4:10pm) God: u there?
@i_wasnt_looking: Pharmacy employee you're too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.