@IEatChawal: I like to combine danger with awkwardness by falling up stairs.
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@stockejock: WHAT DO WE WANT AMERICA? ROCK HARD ABS!!! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? RIGHT AFTER WE FINISH THIS BOX OF DOUGHNUTS!!!
@MarfSalvador: [woken up by barking] wife: oh god it's an intruder! me: sssshhh [listens carefully] no, it's definitely a dog
@duumb: doctor: im afraid u only have a few minutes left to live me: [sobs] oh my god are u sure doctor: [pulls out gun] im totally sure