@SveldtSmelt: I like to eat a handful of paperclips right before I walk through a metal detector cuz I got all day, pal.
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@BendyBacon: Grammar Tip: When the zombie apocalypse starts I will be using people who write 'would of' instead of 'would have' as human shields.
@trevso_electric: "If I write something completely creepy under a girl's Facebook photo, maybe it WON'T be creepy if I end it with 'lol.'" -guy logic
@mstluvstrinkets: "Ok, so you love kids and a clean house? Really, you don't drink but you like to drive?" Me, interviewing the perfect sister wife
@HrBry: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate