@RS3Feed: I like to go to death metal shows and throw throat lozenges on the stage, it shows I care.
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@AsgardianRose: Please stop putting flyers on my windshield in parking lots. I have no desire to see your new band called "Parking Violation".
@Book_Krazy: Me: Hi. Can I help you? Him: I'm here about the wanted ad for the one night stand Me: Great. Where is it? Him: What? Me: The nightstand.
@MomOfTeen: Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .
@WilliamAder: We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.