@RS3Feed: I like to go to death metal shows and throw throat lozenges on the stage, it shows I care.
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@evidentlyblonde: When I'm bored nobody texts me but as soon as I get busy as hell... BAM... still nobody texts me.
@michaeljhudson: Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo
@narcoticpanda: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
@awesomelocks: Woman: The bees are dying. random male: I don't know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I'M not killing bees.