@jordan_stratton: I like to intentionally barge into guys wearing camo and then look around bewildered like I have no idea what I just ran into.
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@slaughthie: My anaconda don't want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc.
@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@ErrenMichaels: [First person to ride a horse] 'I'm going to sit on that thing and I don't care how angry it gets.'
@CulturedRuffian: ODE TO TWITTER 🎶Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder where you are, Twitter changed you to a heart, I don't think they're very smart🎶