@HysteriaBarbie: I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with "Just in case I crash again"
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@KeetPotato: genie: "thats definitely your last wish?" me: [smiles at my wife in wheelchair] "yes" genie: "ok" our dog: "how can i talk all of a sudden?"
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@Kyle_Lippert: You're a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren't you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that's also a liar?
@VodkaShorebird: "You know what people really want to see? Season after season of a guy drinking his own piss." - Discovery Channel executive