@Tbone7219: I like to reassure my girlfriend that even though I don't have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I'm a really loud screamer.
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@PFitzpa: Please do not return empty candy wrappers to the dish. It leads to false expectations and uncontrollable rage.
@celestinelea90: *takes earrings out* *takes bracelet off* *slips out of shoes* *tears off jeans, shirt, bra* *shaves head* Ok Doc you can weigh me now
@KeetPotato: [gameshow] me: [visibly doing maths on my fingers] "17" host: [looks at me weird] "that's wrong" other contestant: "salmon?" host: "correct"