@iRowlf: I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells "Why you little!!!!!"
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@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
@QwertyJones3: "Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a series of jokes about my mom, and I had no comeback."
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?
@KevinFarzad: It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing Domino's."