@FriedWords: I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
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@Dmvm1977: When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to "warm her up", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer
@robfee: Fox News: Trump looks strong! CNN: Hillary should get the win! MSNBC: If you put a buncha hot dogs in a hamburger bun, is that a sandwich???
@trojansauce: [rap battle] *drops the mic* *scrambles around trying to pick up the mic* [20min earlier] *other guy covering my mic in butter*
@shkeeber: Dating must've been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many.