@Carbosly: I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans.
I find it lightens the mood.
@jergarl: *puts it in perspective
Perspective: Wrong hole.
@ClichedOut: Waiter: Dessert's on me.
Me: *leaning close* Where on you, Jeremy?
@Ivsy01: If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits
@ibid78: "So why do you wanna work at Petsmart?"
*imagines running out of the store with all the dogs in my arms*
"I'm a people person."
@lovemydogduck: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.