@Carbosly: I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans.
I find it lightens the mood.
@Black__Elvis: I just blew off some steam and it wouldn't even kiss me afterward.
@envydatropic: The forecast isn't calling for rain so I'm just going to wash my car to prove the weatherman wrong
@underchilde: Most women who've dated me will tell you I'm about an 8 on the pain scale.
@panmidwest: [nervously speeding up as I drive my date past a Taco Bell]
SIRI: At frequent destination. Set this address as 'Home' address?
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I'm telling him that he is making me late for work and he's telling me that he is Batman.