@Carbosly: I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans.
I find it lightens the mood.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency
"Please help, I made too much spaghetti"
Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*
@Book_Krazy: I don't think 'safe sex' sounds like a very good idea. I mean, what if you get locked in and forget the combination
@ericsshadow: HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA:
Go to an ATM.
@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary]
Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week
@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.