@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
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@julie2288: 90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it.
@3sunzzz: Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural? Dumb Bob: You add S. T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us. DB: [writes] SNAIL
@NotKarma: Found $10 in a pants pocket. It was awkward though because someone was still wearing it.
@haleysfalling: [showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings