@steveolivas: I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent.
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@sameblacklist: If Eve sacrificed the whole human race for an apple, have you ever wondered what she would have done for a cucumber?
@hadafewbeers: Love it when moms refer to kids by age in tweets. "6 fell down today". Wonder if the kids do the opposite at school: "33 is drunk again".
@Kyle_Lippert: Robin Thicke is what would happen if a roofie became a human and decided to make music.
@leechee420: I thought about getting silk sheets to seem sexy, but then I realized nobody would be turned on by me falling out of bed 6 times a night.