@steveolivas: I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent.
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@neonwario: WWII was just all the people w/ time machines who went back in time to kill hitler fighting the time travelers who wanted to protect hitler
@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@jordan_stratton: GOD: Eyelashes ANGEL: What do they do? GOD: Protect eyes ANGEL: And? GOD: Get into people's eyes. It's extremely painful. ANGEL: Are you ok?
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.