@meaganbb1: I like when I wear my glasses because then I have four-eyes I can roll at your ridiculousness!
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@TheCatWhisprer: I hate how websites force you to prove you’re not a robot by making you solve some puzzle only a robot could solve.
@shanethevein: Want followers? Tweet something funny. Can't think of anything? Tweet something honest. Can't say anything honest or funny? Try Facebook.
@Donna_McCoy: It's my patriotic duty to eat bbq and wave sparklers this weekend. Don't wreck it with words like "calorie count" and "hair on fire".
@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.