@meaganbb1: I like when I wear my glasses because then I have four-eyes I can roll at your ridiculousness!
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@realHamOnWry: *smudges lipstick* *smears eyeliner* *gets mascara on earlobe* *never tries make-up sex again*
@iwearaonesie: wife: What would you do if 9 told you he was gay? me [looking for the remote] Ask him if he's seen the remote
@squirrel74wkgn: "Sir, are you interested in the satellite radio upgrade?" ...uhhhh, for driving in space?