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@SamGrittner: "I like your tree's earring."
"That's a tire swing."
@tarashoe: ME: i'd like to get rid of all this
PERSONAL TRAINER: you're just making like one sweeping gesture around your entire body
ME: and my head
@Cheeseboy22: If the Pottery Barn didn't want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn't have called it a barn.
@phalguy: Nice guys finish last, cause stamina.
@TheCatWhisprer: My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place.
@JBusch260: "Would you just look at all this bullshit?!" - enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers