@BradBroaddus: I liked Nicki Minaj a lot better when she was Michael Jackson.
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@Offensivehere: Me: lets go get a drink! Friend: what's the occasion? Me: ... Friend: ... Me: I don't understand the question.
@JasonLastname: Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
@NicCageMatch: My dog is starting a food blog where she writes about the delicious flavors of the various paper napkins she finds and eats.
@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"