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@daemonic3: "I literally can't even!"
-- White girl hanging a picture
@swandive2222: Yes, I've been in love before.
I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds.
@truegritrumble: ME: I wonder if it wrestles cutely too?
ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the panda enclosure.
ME: lol. No. *gets mauled to death by panda*
@Jenny4ashley: Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it's Maybelline.
@causticbob: Roses are red,
violets are blue,
this poem is overused,
just like your mum.
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man]
"Can I ask you something?"
"Why'd you name the dog 'Another Man' babe?"