@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.
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@isabelzawtun: Is there any rejection more humiliating than when you try to tickle someone and it doesn't work
@_steamy_mac: Found out there is a microwave with a built in toaster, and this is going to be the greatest bath ever.
@brothasoul: Mitt Romney: "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman..."
@jwoodham: Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies.