@Laser_Cat: "I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though." - Mountain Men on History Channel
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@Kyle1092: So I neutered my car yesterday "You, what?" Neutered my car "..." It's another word for fixed "I wish I never gave you that thesaurus"
@Juicedballs: [house hunting] Loved that one. Great price & the owner seemed trustworthy HER: It was next to a sewage plant & he had three eyepatches on
@ZombieProblms: You can't ban me from your neighborhood just because I "look scary" and "want to kill you." That's discrimination.
@thatUPSdude: Niece: Uncle I can't find my Girl Scout cookies? Me: (slow kicks empty boxes under couch) That's Weird.