@JohnLyonTweets: [first day as a Twitter designer] Never mind an edit button. What people really want are round avis.

@truegritrumble: ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen.

@GreenEyedJedi: I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.

@rachelle_mandik: Doctor: Your baby is 7 pounds! Me: So that's like, what, three dollars?

@GeauxSaints79: I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"