@JimmerThatisAll: I live in a high crime neighbourhood if you count socks with sandals.
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@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.
@withanewname: [breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."
@underchilde: A jury of my peers would just be 12 people who hate that they had to get up before noon.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: I'm not getting enough attention when I go out so I'm gonna wear a tight spandex suit w/ my underpants on the outside. --Superman, probably