@WhiskeyandMeds: It's all fun and games until HR sends an email with "Your Twitter Account" in the subject line.

@withanewname: [breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."

@underchilde: A jury of my peers would just be 12 people who hate that they had to get up before noon.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: I'm not getting enough attention when I go out so I'm gonna wear a tight spandex suit w/ my underpants on the outside. --Superman, probably

@hipstermermaid: 10 WARNING SIGNS THAT YOU'RE CURRENTLY READING A LIST