@Gooooats: I live in my parent's basement so I had to dig a deeper basement for my kids to live in. In 20 generations we will reach the Earth's core.
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@EndhooS: Cop: Are you drunk? Me: Could a drunk person do this? *I just piss my pants* Cop: WOW. Yes actually. Me: That was supposed to be a backflip
@thulnicolle: Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
@jus4golf: I once went out with a girl that said she was flexible like a Slinky. Two flights of stairs later, I decided she wasn't.
@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.