@weinerdog4life: I lost my thumb in a serious movie rating accident.
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@blacksab67: Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye.
@BonaFideIntent: HR: Me: HR: Me: HR: "..16. 16 STAPLES in Diane's forehead..." Me: HR: Me: "..it was the last twizzler" HR: Me: HR: Me: *eats twizzler*
@BlackCatBettie: What's faster than the speed of light? A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.
@MissNaughty1801: Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years