@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
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@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
@david8hughes: [giving grandmother's eulogy] But on the plus side, that's the fastest she ever got down the stairs.
@cwhudson: [couple who talks via walkie talkie] GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over