@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
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@primawesome: Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.
@Steven37366100: Wife: I think the washer went out Me: What time will it be back? Wife: Please get my suitcase
@Brampersandon_: A new study finds that chicken isn't as healthy for you as once thought. "Just don't ask to see our data" clucked one feathered researcher.