@Brianhopecomedy: I lost the birth video of my son so I'm at the labour ward hoping to recreate it. I'll just zoom in close so my wife won't be able to tell.
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@N0pantz: Plan B and pregnancy tests should be sold at the Liquor Store as a 'one stop shop' kinda thing. Save all that judgment for one cashier.
@trevso_electric: If you wanna go and take a ride with me with three women in the floor with the goat cheese.
@smashbrown_: U2 just announced their world tour. Do I need to buy tickets or are they going to break into my house and start playing?
@Jam453Lane: Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.