@peteholmez: "I love all quilts, regardless of quality." - blanket statement
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@CarpentersCrack: I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.
@pixelatedboat: To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso... oh that was you, nice
@ceejoyner: No human will ever understand humiliation like a dog who happens to run into a wolf while wearing a sweater.
@alispagnola: I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, "helium." Also, my friend is a balloon.