@peteholmez: "I love all quilts, regardless of quality." - blanket statement
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@nachosarah: my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party
@Smooheed: All I want is for someone to push me up against a wall Lean in And whisper 'I'll do your housework'
@david8hughes: "The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-" [Bowser spits coffee] "Which plumber?"
@iwearaonesie: me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*