@_ElvishPresley_: [MIDNIGHT TRAIN STATION] ME: one ticket, please TICKET SALESMAN: sure, where to? ME: *looks at camera* anywhere TICKET SALESMAN: where tho

@barkingtrees: [examining human DNA] Okay, that's one twisted step ladder.

@Phook75: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call

@Petote: Be a firefighter they said, Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said, Youre misinformed they said, We're calling the police they said

@KKAlThani: Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted.