@1followernodad: I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it's so honest
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@lisaxy424: 4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends.
@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: Ever had a job? ME: I once worked at a zoo T: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: Definitely not a penguin T: What M: What
@girlontapas: That awkward moment when he asks you if you're mad and you assure him that you're very happy and he says... "No, I meant, you seem crazy."