@1followernodad: I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it's so honest
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@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.
@sickipediabot: Breaking News ..... international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven't got anything to wear
@slimmy_shady: My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too.
@girl_a_whirl: [Catholic church] *priest hands out "What To Expect At Your Exorcism" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything