@MelissaJoy33: I love being a mom. I just left the vacuum running in front of my teenagers door until he woke up. Should have done what I asked, lil shit!
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@TEXASVETERAN: Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works.
@Phoebetate: Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead
@catstronomical: Cat: [I am the cousin of tigers, leopards, lions, panthers, and pumas] Me: *putting tiara on cat's head* you're a pretty pretty princess!
@velvettusk: If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants.