@jegheterbella: I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
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@BlindVigil: I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.
@KeetPotato: doctor: "is there anything that runs in the family?" wife: "hm not really" me: "the dog jogs a lot"
@brothasoul: Mitt Romney: "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman..."
@platinum2000: "How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?" *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.