@sliver_of: I love how once you hit 30 every conversation can be turned into a competition for how little effort was put into pulling a muscle.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NotthatAdamWest: The FBI's security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Superman could shit sauerkraut and they’d still love him. But when I do it, everyone’s like “gross katie”, and “now you’ve ruined the hot tub for all of us”.
@JohnLyonTweets: [showing new guy around office] Me: Watch out for that guy, he has a short fuse, haha. New guy: He said the same about you, haha. Me: *throws coffee mug at wall* HE NEEDS TO SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH!