@sixthformpoet: I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
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@jakehightower34: Evil Scientist: I will turn you three into...A Human Centipede! Hostage 1: No! Hostage 2: Please! No! Me: So...who gets to be the front?
@david8hughes: [interrogation] What were u doing last nite? I was killin my neighbour, Bert. Louder for the tape? [leans in] Fillin in paperwork. Busy guy.
@sirivan: Everyone makes fun of Aquaman, but he’s got it all figured out. He spends all day chilling in the water. His life is one big pool party.
@MattElGato: Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.