@sixthformpoet: I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
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@Chumpstring: ME: i don't trust salesmen SALESMAN: OH MY GOD LOOK OUT FOR THAT CAR ME: oh shit where SALESMAN: right over here isn't she a beaut
@schumoo: Just tell me how many calories are in the entire package and save me the trouble of doing all the multiplication.
@JimMFelton: Nan swears blind she heard a miaowing from next door’s garden. She miaowed back. The cat miaowed. She miaowed back. This continued for minutes. She walks down the garden to the end. Looks over the fence. Still miaowing. Sees her neighbour miaowing back at her.
@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee