@WonderMonkey78: I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God.
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@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@laurajennyjo: I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If the Discovery Channel's new show 'Naked And Afraid' isn't about Mormon honeymoons, I'm not interested.
@Cheeseboy22: My wife is always like, "You answer the door, I don't even have my bra on!" and for that reason, I have stopped wearing a bra.