@TheCatWhisprer: I love October because it signals the change from eating tacos outside season to eating tacos inside season.
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@dave_cactus: [sign outside butcher shop: POLISH SAUSAGES - ASK US] ME: Yes, I'm here about the sausage polishing job?
@huntigula: when Jason swung that sleeping bag with a girl in it against a tree in Friday the 13th, I bet for a brief moment the girl was like "wheeee!"
@EndhooS: reporter: tell us how you thwarted the robbery me: [shrugs] he told us to put our hands where he could see them so I put them over his eyes
@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.