@ComedicBust: Does anyone know the life span of a honey baked ham? Please say 6 months. Never mind, I'm just gonna pretend everything's going to be ok.

@drxubair: Sometimes things are not what they appear. Just because I am sitting with an open book doesn't mean that I am studying.

@iamspacegirl: hey i just met you and this is crazy but i'm your mom now you small weak baby

@markhoppus: Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.

@IamEveryDayPpl: *drops an avocado in the offering basket at church*