@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.
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@GrowlyGrego: *knocks on door* You're too fat. "Wha--" You're way too dumb. "Wait--who.." Hi, I'm Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You're too poor for one.
@RonnieLauth: Overheard at a museum cafe: “What kind of coffee do you have?” “Uh. Just the kind they give us to brew.” “Well is it Kenyan? Ethiopian?” “Sir. It’s just coffee. Either buy it or don’t.” I love New Yorkers.
@shariv67: We only use 10% of our brains because the other 90% is busy regretting saying "You too!" to a waiter after he said "Enjoy your meal."
@zachreinert03: One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that's pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious