@SortaSarcastic: This Is total BULLSHIT! You can't even find ACME anvils on ebay. THIS IS WHY THE ALIENS DON'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY!

@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Are you supposed to wear your Fitbit in the shower? I'm looking to break this thing as quickly as possible and need advice.

@fro_vo: Me: can I wish for more wishes Genie: no Me: i wish for $20 then Genie: granted Me: *slides $20 across table* how about those wishes now

@brownbear952: I'm hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.