@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
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@Home_Halfway: BREAKING: Pluto is once again a regular planet. "It was always huge & full sized!" said one dwarf planet scientist with a fake mustache.
@BryMastas: Life's most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?