@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
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@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.
@emmatheist: Unwritten rule: if you find an unconscious security guard you have to drag him to a supply closet and change into his uniform.
@iscoff: Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. It's always the same angel. It's covered in wings now and wants to die but can't
@brianbowman73: Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what's around you.. And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool.