@tbhjustkoaIa: i love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life
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@foodfacenow: *crashes through ceiling into kitchen* Wife:You were doing karate in the attic again weren't you Me:*panting* No *nunchucks hit me in face*
@murrman5: [furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn't spanish me: ya see
@envydatropic: If you arrive home, it's not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member's cars, keep going.......It's an intervention
@Laser_Cat: A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn.