@tbhjustkoaIa: i love when people apologize to me about their rooms being dirty I’m just like lmao u should see my life
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@thenatewolf: One unintended consequence of unprotected sex is that sometimes, 6 years later, a small child is forced to learn the recorder.
@meganamram: Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Also, no outside food, they are so strict about that.
@TurboJellyBean: Her:"my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid" Me:"your car doesn't have blinker fluid." Her:"I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"
@PortRooster: On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!