@ColesTwitt3r: i made a craigslist ad !
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@UberFacts: Research suggests that when someone disagrees with you, you should speak faster so they have less time to process what you’re saying.
@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.
@kcmoore51: I love getting kisses from my dogs but, I'm starting to worry about the one who keeps trying to give me the slow tongue.
@duplicitron: I do shrugs at the gym with like 400 pounds just to show everyone how hard I don't care.