@BruceForce: I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me
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@DaddyJew: Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine
@adamrensch: Kuwait a minute. Yemen to tell me if Iraq up this war debt Iran the economy into Syria's trouble? Oman, can someone tell me if this Israel?
@CollegeHumorLol: When I see my cat staring out the window, I sit behind him and whisper, "Look, Simba, Everything the light touches is our kingdom".
@_The_Man__: I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell