@BruceForce: I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me
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@weinerdog4life: When I tell my wife I'm gonna have to work late she knows it's code for I was playing with super glue and I'm stuck to my desk again.
@CherBear162: I would never get a minivan because I can't even think of 7 people I'd want to be stuck in a vehicle with.
@ValeeGrrl: 6yo lured girls to our beach umbrella by shaking a bag of Cheetos at them & it worked so guys, feel free to steal his fool-proof method.
@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."