@JermHimselfish: I met Jay-Z in '09 and he said "Meet my fiance, Beyonce" and I was like "That rhymes, you should rap!" and we laughed and he sold me crack.
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@TheDairylandDon: They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of "Bieber" every damn time
@GensPlace: Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice...
@Carmel_Coleman: Had a girl say "I want you to treat me like a virgin" So I sacrificed her to a tiki god and threw her in a volcano.