@JermHimselfish: I met Jay-Z in '09 and he said "Meet my fiance, Beyonce" and I was like "That rhymes, you should rap!" and we laughed and he sold me crack.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@aksorojas: fiancé: *marvels at the beauty of the Eiffel Tower* me: will you do me the greatest honor of *looks at smudged writing on hand* murdering me
@Marlebean: [dark alley] Here's the $3 million, thanks again for this, be sure to send pictures. Kidnapper: Wait, don't you want your kids back?
@KalvinMacleod: ME: I’ve finally adjusted to daylight savings time WIFE: really ME: really WIFE: *takes cat out of fridge* ME: *stops petting the milk*