@ItsAndyRyan: I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I'd told her I was going to a funeral.
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@GringoBrulee: HR: Do you know why we called you in here today? Me: I'm not taking off my Batman suit, sir.
@dom_dot_dom: A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
@Book_Krazy: HIM: you promise you're not an octopus? ME: of course not silly HIM: good. come in & meet my family ME: *hugs all 4 of them at once*
@RideSallyRide69: The definition of Irony: Your job sucks Your kids suck Your life sucks Your wife...doesn't