@ItsAndyRyan: I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I'd told her I was going to a funeral.
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@JBelk78: You think I'm over dramatic? When an octopus gets upset, it eats itself. THAT'S over dramatic.
@thongbeard: Just texted her "thanks for choking on me" I meant "checking" but kinda curious what the response is gonna be.
@dinokitten: Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :(
@Papa_Mex: You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer? -Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts