@bourgeoisalien: I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you're an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.
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@HiddenPinky: Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]
@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free
@KalvinMacleod: GOD: I've created donuts ANGEL: ooh they're yummy but why the hole? GOD: ANGEL: GOD: ANGEL: because they are holy GOD: because they are holy
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread