@bourgeoisalien: I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you're an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.
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@SkinnerSteven: BOSS: "Send that email to the client and copy me-" Me:*Boss voice* "Send that email to the client and copy me"
@Aspersioncast: My daily horoscope says I just lost all of my decent followers by posting my daily horoscope on Twitter.
@AliceAvizandum: Harry Potter is a guy who peaks at being a high school quarterback and then drops out to become a cop