@longwall26: I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
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@stephenjmolloy: Cop: "You have one call - make it important!" *phone* Me: "I've been arrested for making prank calls." Man: "Who is this?" Me: "Hugh Jass."
@jwoodham: VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner.
@DaddyJew: Jesus:*turns water into wine Guy: thanks but I'm in AA, I'll just have the water J: *not knowing how to turn it back* well this is awkward