@longwall26: I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
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@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they're causing all new problems.
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
@LemmingDad: When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they're saying the names of Ikea furniture.
@Girliegurll: I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now.