@Contwixt: "I need a timing belt & power steering for my life" I say to my new bros, using the only 2 car-terms I know in a single testosterone bullet.
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@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
@armyVet1972: Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm…you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now