@Contwixt: "I need a timing belt & power steering for my life" I say to my new bros, using the only 2 car-terms I know in a single testosterone bullet.
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@Marlebean: Me: My neighbor who's a doctor said it's healthy to sleep nude Friend: What type of dr? Me: Optometrist I guess. He has lots of binoculars
@SteveSuckington: [reading test results] "It looks like you're gonna be just fine" [nurse whispers in ear] "Lol my bad u got like 6 weeks" -Steve Harvey M.D.
@ObscureGent: My daughter says she saw a demon in her room. I'm tweeting this from the safety of my office wishing her a lot of luck.