@jimmy_sharpe: I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
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@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What's your greatest strength?" *45 minutes later* Me: "I'm very comfortable with silence."
@kentgrossarth: Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They're from my boyfriend. Now I'm going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don't you have a vase?
@Rollinintheseat: I made fun of a guy for still having a Nokia phone. He threw it at me and knocked me unconscious.