@BobTheSuit: I need some sun. My legs are so white they just drove to Whole Foods in their Prius.
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@ItsJusKimberly: [doorbell] 4: *opens door Hi, is your mom home? 4: she's in the tower mom: whispers from behind door "no no no it's SHOWER not tower!"
@envydatropic: If you stand by and watch someone wreck their life, you're part of the problem And yet we all still go to weddings for the open bar
@Ygrene: Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords