@shesananteater: I need to get a car wash but my dogs' nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I'm gonna let that play out first.
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@ComedicBust: Our eyes met. Our hearts touched. He was the one. We fell in love. He used a flash mob to propose. I'm single now.
@MicheleAKALips: I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter.
@romiza_: *Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*