@shesananteater: I need to get a car wash but my dogs' nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I'm gonna let that play out first.
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@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?
@Coolisiana: *a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*
@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.