@Bandersnaaatch: I need to make my kids understand that I'm not staff, I'm management.
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@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
@MartaEffing: My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt.
@tastefactory: The best part about Halloween is seeing people in costume doing normal shit. Just saw a Dracula standing by a car eating potato chips.