@OneFunnyMummy: I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I'm making up for that now.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: David Duke says Jews aren't white. Eric Trump says Democrats aren't people. So I guess today begins my new life as a purple dragon.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: The bathroom Wife: What? Me: I was about to get off the couch and just wanted to stop you before you asked where I was going.
@murrman5: Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let's combine forces and we could be the best thing since...well we'll think of that later.